Dear Family & Friends,

As we get ready to embark on one of the most exciting event in our lives, we are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. are so fortunate to have such loving, involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown us as we have made this journey. We’re thrilled about bringing home our new daughter, Hope! We’ve done a lot of reading, research, and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel prepared to help our daughter become a well-adapted member of our family.

There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that our daughter needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact Hope’s behavior when she gets home. These include how much nurturing she received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care and Hope’s unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers Hope has ever known. Adoption is a traumatic and scary event for any age child whether they are newborn or 10 years old. They’re being removed from all of their routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help our daughter feel safe and learn that we are her parents, we are creating a type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.

When Hope gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Hope needs to learn that we’re the parents. She needs to feel nurtured and safe. She will not be used to having parents to love and care for her.

Here are some things we will be doing for Hope based on research and experience with other adopted children. We’ll be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared and nervous. By keeping our lives very boring at first, we’ll be helping our child feel safe. This does NOT mean that we do not want visitors coming to see our little one for the first time. We will just have to limit it a little so it is not so overwhelming So please call us before “dropping by” to see if it is a good day to visit with Hope.

I know a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. That will be wonderful and touching for us to see so many familiar and supportive faces when arrive home! We do not want family to stay away from us. We just can’t pass Hope around for everyone to hold. You can talk to her softly and touch her arms or legs lightly. We will have to be mindful of overloading her with new things and people.

We know that many you will want to hug, kiss and help spoil our new girl, but it is recommended that we be the only ones to do that at first to improve her chances of attaching strongly to us. Until we feel our child has attached and clearly knows we are her parents, we will need to feed, change and take care of her. As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate affection” and can mean that they haven’t really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that our daughter has attached to us if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her and hold her without searching for her mom or dad.

We are so excited and can’t wait to bring Hope home so you can all see her and get to know her. Things are just a little different when you are adopting a baby rather than having a biological child. She will be adapting to a lot of new things…new parents, new family, new home, new foods, new time zones (totally opposite what she’s used to). That’s a lot handle at one time.

We appreciate your understanding in reading this. We’re giving all of you this letter so that you will understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping Hope adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life. We feel confident that things will smooth out quickly and we will be on a more normal schedule in a few months.

Blessings,

Eric & Angie